Friendship is a highly underrated theological category. We spiritualize our relationships in church by calling each other brother and sister. We formalize our relationships in church by calling each other pastor, bishop, apostle and goodness knows what else.
But Jesus brought it right down to ground level: “I have called you my friends.” That’s why the Quakers called their movement the “Society of Friends.” Maybe they had a point.
I was thinking of this recently when a close friend in England messaged Elaine at a very early hour of the morning, and they had a long discussion before I even woke up.
One of the greatest tragedies in church is when we have a multitude of superficial acquaintances and a drought of real friends. I think the reason for that is we have often failed to understand that before anything else the church is intended to be a family. We have been great at building smooth running institutions, but terrible at building families.
And now we live in perhaps the most broken generation of history. Families are shattered, relationships are broken and people are alone. The events of the past year have only highlighted what was already a massive problem in our society — and yes, also in the church.
The church was designed by Jesus to be the most relational place on earth, the place where friendship flourishes and no one is left alone.
Pastors — unbelievably — are often taught in Bible College to steer clear of any close friendship in churches they serve so as to avoid possible hurt. And then they model this lack of friendship to the rest of the congregation.
Some people are natural extroverts and will find friends wherever they go. Most of us, however, have a much harder time. Churches need to create a culture of friendship. And that must start with leadership. Leaders must cultivate relationship with each other, and then reach out into the rest of the body to make sure no one feels abandoned.
Friendship will do more for your church than you think. Friendship is the place where the highest and deepest forms of accountability take place. How many of you have seen churches where lack of accountability has caused a problem?
One last point. You can’t be friends with everyone. Someone once compared friendship to bricks in a wall. You can only touch so many people directly and deeply.
We have found over the years that when those kind of friendships are developed, they are worth more than gold. It helps if they’re close, but even if they’re not, in this day and age of instant communication no one is ever that far away.
A culture of friendship will hold any family together, and it will certainly hold God’s family together.
And how attractive do you think that kind of church will be to those outside it? Even if they don’t at first like our message, they may be won over by how we live our lives together.
Maybe we should pay a little less attention to all those other church growth strategies we run after, and get back to what Jesus told us to do in the first place.
CONSIDER PARTNERING WITH DAVID & ELAINE CAMPBELL IN HELPING TO SUSTAIN THEIR ACTIVE MINISTRY.
AWAKENING MINISTRIES // FOUNDATION of FAITH Project
Foundation of Faith Project is strengthening generations in faith and bringing beautiful changes to the communities around them. Through teaching, mentoring and coaching, many are finding out who they are and who they are destined to be. They are bringing more to their world. David Campbell is the key leader in this initiative and you can support him financially directly through Awakening Ministries.
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