Fixing broken relationships

Young people today are tasting the bitter fruit of broken relationships. Many have been raised without any real father. Yet God has created them with a longing to be fathered, whether they understand it or not. What we, the church, have to offer them is powerful provided we can back it up with a supply of real fathers. The church must become functional and properly ordered, a place of security and integrity in relationships. Young people are longing for the experience of relationship that postmodern culture denies them. Women have sacrificed family for career and are now living to regret it. Their assumption of leadership roles in business and government places them in a boxing ring where men, by nature, fight to win. Is it any wonder that young women are now smoking more than young men or that women’s life expectancy is projected to come down eventually to the level of men’s for the first time? Extreme feminism is under attack — by women as much as by men. Men who have abdicated their roles are feeling the emptiness. Studies show “house husbands” develop more health problems than other men. Young people have lived with a generation of men who have abandoned their families in search of their own happiness and they are sick of it. They are looking for stability and commitment while believing a philosophy which teaches the opposite. No wonder they are confused and under stress!

This is not a time to match what the culture is offering by trying to entertain people or make them feel good. It is a time to preach the loving, disciplining, directional care of the Father. It is a time to preach the cross and commitment to goals higher than ourselves. I believe there are millions of young people out there waiting to hear the call to this kind of discipleship — if we will preach it and live it ourselves.

The family of God

The following sets out, in three paragraphs, a summary of what we need to know ourselves and what we need to teach others as a foundation for people coming out of the kingdom of darkness: God as Father is the foundation of every human family. The Bible states: “I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth receives its name” (Eph. 3:14-15). Note that the NIV translation “from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth receives its name” is incorrect. God’s position as Father is the foundation of every human family, not just God’s family. God’s position as Father establishes order in the Trinity as well as in creation: “The head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor. 11:3). God’s order does not become tyranny or legalism because in His Kingdom, those in authority are commanded to lay down their lives for those under their care — Jesus Himself setting the example.

Husbands lay down their lives for their wives, parents lay down their lives for their children and employers seek the good of their employees. Because God is Father, His kingdom becomes a kingdom of relationship. Relationship exists within the Trinity and flows out into creation. The kingdom of God should be the most relational place on earth, and the place where relationships operate the most effectively and for the benefit of all. True Biblical relationship, at whatever level, is found in people serving one another within the order established by God. Such relationships are characterized by words such as respect, honour, love and sacrifice. These relationships are deep and can withstand any strain or attack.

Rights or responsibilities?

Our postmodern culture is focussed on rights and freedoms. We want to be able to do anything we can to further our own sense of purpose or happiness. But this often has bitter and unintended results. The conflict over male-female role distinctions illustrates this. Each gender desires the right or ability to do what he/she wants in order to fulfil their goals and achieve happiness, but in disregard of the good of the greater whole. Women feel they must somehow take hold of their rightful share of rulership which has been monopolized by men while they have been kept in a subservient position. As Christians, we must indeed acknowledge that men, Christian men included, have often wrongfully dominated and lorded rulership over women, seeking their own benefit while not being concerned for the woman. The solution, however, is to hold to the Bible’s view that men and women are equal in worth and value, though different in role and function.

This relates to the breaking of the curse God placed on the relationship of Adam and Eve as a result of their disobedience. According to Gen. 3:16, the substance of this curse was that the man would “rule over” the woman and the woman would “desire” the man. In Genesis, the Hebrew word for “rule over” does not refer to the legitimate exercise of authority but to violent physical abuse. In Christ, while there is still legitimate authority in the marriage relationship, there is no room for any form of abuse. Rather, the husband shows his leadership in the marriage through the laying down of his life (Eph. 5:25).

The other element of the curse – the woman’s “desire” for the man – does not refer in Hebrew to legitimate physical desire, but to an obsessive controlling manipulation of the man best personified in Scripture by Jezebel. Satan’s plan was for the man to rule abusively through force and power, and for the woman to respond defensively through control and manipulation. The effect of the curse, therefore, was to pervert Adam’s God-given authority into an abusive tyranny, whereas Eve’s role as a submissive co-worker was twisted as she attempted to achieve self-protection through controlling Adam with an obsessive focus on him rather than on God, resulting in a potent mixture of idolatry and control. Adam found “freedom” to govern outside of God and Eve found “freedom” to find security outside of God. This, Paul declares, is the curse now broken through the work of the cross.